As we approach what is probably one of the least celebrated holidays of the year, I have a Father’s Day message to the fatherless daughters out there: forgive him for what he didn’t give you!
For many women, Father’s Day is a day of celebration, gratitude, and pride for the man they call dad. For others, it’s a day of mourning because that great man they knew and adored is no longer here in the physical.
However, for the other fatherless daughters, Father’s Day isn’t a day of celebration nor mourning. It is one of bitterness, anger, and resentment. It’s a yearly reminder that the man who should’ve always been there for you never was.
You didn’t get the father-daughter school dances, the tire change lessons, or the assurance that daddy was there to comfort you when some bad boy broke your heart. Instead, he abandoned you, left you there to figure it all out for yourself, and never even apologized for his absence.
A #girl’s dad he was not. Instead he was inconsistent, unreliable, and lacked love and support. Consequently, you wasted years looking for that love in all the wrong places and faces. Trying unsuccessfully to get men to love you just to prove you mattered and were worthy of it. How does a girl grow into the woman she was destined to be when the man tasked with getting her there bailed?
It’s a tough break and I’ve been down that road too, but I’ve learned that you can’t change the past. You can however change your perspective about it. My Father’s Day message to the fatherless daughters out there is simple:
1. Know that you are not alone in your truth.
There are many women out there who have suffered this same experience. It’s okay to feel the way you feel because it is your truth. Feel the way you feel but don’t let the truth sting for too long and cause a root of bitterness to set in (Hebrews 12:15).
“Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.“
1 Peter 5:9, NLT
2. Whatever he didn’t give you, God will provide.
I didn’t have a dad around to tell me I was beautiful. He wasn’t there to teach me what to look for in men, how to love myself, or know my worth. I had to learn all of that the hard way, through the experiences my Heavenly Father took me through. You see, the Father is concerned about your development and will give you every experience necessary for it. It is our experiences that shapes us into being.
The only thing my dad taught me was how to depend on myself, but my Father showed me through tests, trials, and circumstances that I could lean, trust, and depend on Him. You can too! Everything I have, my sense of worth, self-esteem, self-love, discernment, and everything in between, God gave it to me.
Godwill not put your future in the hands of any man who left you. Sometimes walking away from you is the best thing someone can do for your life. When people walk out, God steps in. The absence of a man ushers in the presence of The Father. You will always get what you need from Him, even if His ways and methods are unconventional (Isaiah 55:8-9).
“and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.“
2 Corinthians 6:18, ESV
3. His rejection is not a reflection of you.
Don’t internalize his shortcomings, they have nothing to do with you. Your identity and who you are does not come from your earthly father, but from your Heavenly Father. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and made in His image. Just because someone else doesn’t see you doesn’t mean you have no value.
As a daughter of God, you don’t have to beg any man for what God willingly gives His children. If your dad wasn’t there, don’t sweat it. Forgive him for what he didn’t do or couldn’t give. People can’t fill you with what they don’t have themselves.
Sometimes God likes to take us the scenic route through life and everyone’s journey with Him is not the same. God’s got you and He will never leave you nor forsake you. He’s always there even when it doesn’t feel like it. Your Father is a restorer, a healer, provider, and a way maker. If you lack anything, ask The Father, and He will give it to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over. Man’s abilities are limited but Father God has no limits.
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.“