Do you have a feeling you’re dating a married man but aren’t sure your hunch is right? Does he say all the right things, show interest in getting to know you yet you believe he’s not as single as he says he is? Do you find yourself torn between your feelings and your intellect?
It happens everyday, married men living foul and preying on single women. In the blogs and on the news, you see all the disturbing stories of women being played by married men and they never saw the deception coming. Why is that? Why is it that we as single women don’t see that kind of betrayal coming?
Is it that we want real love so bad that we’re blind to the signs? Or is it that we simply don’t have the spiritual foresight to discern between good and evil? Some say the women who get caught up in situations like these are stupid and foolish. I believe the single women who are victimized by married men are simply inexperienced and uninformed. The reality is, people lie and a married man who’s out to cheat is no exception.
These are most likely the women who didn’t have a father around to teach them what to look for. The women with low or no self-esteem looking for love in all the wrong faces instead of within. These are the women who’ve been hopeful in their singleness and just want their turn at true love. I know because I was once a victim of a married man’s game.
In this post, I want to inform and educate my single sisters on the signs and red flags to look out for if you believe a man is not as single as he says he is. If you want to bring clarity to your perplexity and sharpen your discernment, here are 9 warning signs that you’re dating a married man.
1. He makes plans with you and doesn’t show.
Being stood up is grounds for automatic termination, especially for a guy who claims he wants to get to know you. If he’s a no-call, no-show at work, with no plausible explanation, chances are he won’t get another chance. Do things happen? Yes, but you never give a guy multiple opportunities to waste your time. If he’s constantly breaking dates or standing you up, it just probably means you’re dating a married man. Cancel that and don’t think twice!
2. You only see him at certain times of the day or night.
If he only has set times that he can see you, you’re dating a married man sis. If he never stays the night, doesn’t spend holidays with you, and you never see him for special occasions or events that are important to you, you’re dating a married man. A man who has serious intentions with you will not put you in a scheduled time block to be his on-call booty call.
3. You’ve never seen the inside of his place.
This is a huge red flag! If you’re dating a married man, he’ll always want to make your house the Netflix and chill spot. He’ll never invite you over to his, heck you won’t even know where he lives. If he won’t take you to his house, it’s because he likely has a spouse!
4. Your dates are always isolated.
If you’re dating a married man, your dates, if you ever go on any, will be in isolated places. He won’t risk taking you out in well-known places for fear his wife or someone she knows will bust him. He’s the date night at your place or let’s do something on your side of town type of guy. If a man keeps you hidden, he himself has something to hide.
5. He goes ghost for days.
Ah ghosting! What a wonderful feeling that is to have some dude awaken your feelings only to keep them dangling when he disappears with no logical explanation. His excuse most times is, ‘I was busy with work’. If he’s a jack in the box that’s always disappearing and popping back up with that cheesy greasy grin like nothing ever happened, chances are he’s a married man. He can’t grace you with his presence without a good reason for his absence at home.
6. You don’t know many or any details about him.
This one is big! If you’re dating a married man, he will be very vague on the details of his life. He gives you just enough to keep you interested. You won’t know his last name, and may not even have his real name. You have no idea what he does with his time, what time he gets off work, or whether he likes drums or flats! The less you know, the harder he thinks it is for you to throw salt in his little game.
7. Text is his primary form of communication.
If your man is married, calls are most likely short and rushed. Text is his preferred method of communication. A man who’s genuinely interested in developing a relationship with you wants to verbally talk to you! A married man only after what he wants or needs from you at the moment will string you along with meaningless texts to keep both you and his wife in the dark. He won’t take the chance of having her walk up on him and hear your voice. For him, no call log, no trouble.
8. You don’t meet friends or relatives.
This one can be tricky because some married men will go out of their way to ease your suspicions. I had one who was bold enough to introduce me to his kids. We even went on kid-friendly dates with our children. Some of these dudes have certain friends or relatives who support their extramarital lifestyle. Consequently, these will be the only people you meet, if you ever do! If you’ve never met his mama, his granny, or the sister he talks about all the time for Sunday dinner, chances are he has something to hide.
9. He avoids social media.
This can be a bit tough because not everyone has social media accounts. However, if he avoids pictures or has a problem with you posting photos of you two together on your social accounts, there’s a reason for that and her name is wifey.
So, how do you prevent a married man from playing you?
1. Trust your instincts.
As women, we always get that gut feeling deep down inside that always turns out to be right after the fact. That’s called, intuition, or that “something told me.” That still small voice is our built-in defense mechanism that God uses to speak to us. It never lies, so trust it because it’s God’s voice and direction warning of potential danger and disaster.
2. Research him thoroughly.
Check county court dockets, they don’t lie. Court records reveal everything you need to beat the adulterous predator at his own game. This is the Digital Age and any and everything you need to know is at your fingertips online. Research public records and social media too. Getting wisdom is the most important thing you can do. Whatever else you get, get insight (Proverbs 4:7, GNT).
3. Walk away if he’s married.
Don’t get caught up in a “sin-tuation” God never intended you to. Don’t let your feelings get in the way of morality. Feelings are not facts and willfully sinning with a married man has consequences you don’t want to pay.
No matter how irretrievably broken he claims his marriage is, don’t get entangled in somebody else’s mess. Married men NEVER leave their wives and once you get tied up, it’s hard to be unraveled. His goal is to have you both, but the marital bed is to be undefiled. God will punish anyone who has sex with another person’s husband or wife (Hebrews 13:4, EASY).
James 4:17 says, to know right and still do wrong is a sin. God is not pleased with anyone who knowingly continues on an adulterous affair with a married man once it’s been revealed. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (CEV) puts it this way, Don’t be immoral in matters of sex. That is a sin against your own body in a way no other sin is. Why contaminate your own body by injecting yourself in the middle of another woman’s marriage? The short-term gratification is not worth the pain it will later bring to your life. Leave him to sort out his marital mess with his wife and God.
“We may agree to do what our bad thoughts tell us to do. When we do that, it becomes a sin. Then, we may not stop doing those bad things. If we continue to live like that, the result of our sins is death.“
James 1:15, EASY
Anything God creates, the enemy can replicate. You must be able to distinguish the difference between the two. Hindsight is crystal clear, while foresight is often blind. You must know what to look for to protect your heart from those intent on shattering it. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life(Proverbs 4:23, NLT).
Situations come to educate us and they come to reveal the things we need to change about ourselves. God allows certain things to happen to show you who you are, who you are not, and who He wants you to be. You’re the daughter of a king, not the play thing of a jack!
If a married man has deceived you, don’t feel stupid or foolish for what you didn’t know. Lessons come at different stages of life for different people. God uses any and everything to ensure we get out of an experience what He put in it for us, even if it comes in the form of a married man. If God doesn’t send it, He will certainly use it for your good. Learn the lesson, apply it to your life, and help someone else who needs your insight.
Be on guard, be watchful, and protect your heart. Some of these married men are out here like sharks looking for their next kill! The devil comes in many forms, especially those that are pleasing to the senses. If you believe deep down that something is off, most times, it usually is.
“Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy, the devil, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack.“